Yesterday night was one of the most miserable nights I have ever had. This came as a surprise ‘coz the day started well enough and I was all set and delighted to go see the school football match. The gam by itself was fantastic… it was so electrifying that I forgot completely about the cold and fever which had me enslaved to them since last two days. I danced, shouted myself hoarse and surprisingly even followed the match. I had thankfully checked on the rules before setting forth and I think I may just turn into an American football fan!!
Well, you can imagine that after such a great evening I would be all in highest of spirits… but alas that was not to be. As soon as I entered my apartment…. I started feeling hot and cold at the same time and by the time my temperature had also gotten high. My voice was a croak (I think this may be ‘coz of the screaming I did in the football stadium). But anywaz… I tried reading a book but my eyes were filling up, and I had no energy left to make myself a meal. No one was at home and I was shit hungry… All the “order by phone and we deliver” services were not operating ‘coz of game. Gosh! I gave in to tears!! It was ages since I had cried so much. I was feeling so low, I wanted to go home and my cell phone wouldn’t even work. I tried calling one of my close friends. He stays near by … but well the phone just wouldn’t work. I just wanted a familiar face… I was at the moment feeling lonely (my BF is in India right now)… And all that just made me HOWL …… I cried myself to sleep and here I am today feeling much better and all set to face the world tomorrow.
The point of this whole story is how come when we need the most the things don’t actually go our way? Don’t you feel at times that the whole world is against you and god doesn’t love you anymore? Don’t you feel that “I wish I were dead and gone.. atleast then I would know that I was cherished?? I know whenever I feel down or miserable I am all but asking god to take me with her …. I feel I want to die and be in peace.
I have some really good friends here in US and back at home in India as well (Yeah! I am lucky as far as friends are concerned) and I have a gr8 family and a wonderful BF….. I couldn’t ask for more…. But here I was at the first stroke of misery wanting to die, pitying myself and weeping all over. We humans give in so easily to misery don’t we all? I bet we all love pitying about ourselves once in a while!!
Well, now that I am fine and doing good .. I realize how lame I was yesterday!! Gosh!! People are scared of death and yesterday I was thinking that death was perhaps the most beautiful thing of all. I was feeling that death brings with it peace unknown and it is the ultimate release from all this “maya” surrounding us!! I sound like a philosopher but hey I did think about all these things and more. But now I realize though I am not really scared of dying (atleast I think so) I think I would appreciate the true meaning of death and the beauty/ dread of it only after I have experienced my life. I want to experience all the things which I have dreamt of …. Live my life with him… be my own person…. Discover myself….. well,.. I have to indeed live my life ahead a lot ….I believe in life after death (and this has nothing to do with me being a Hindu) I just believe that when we have life here mabbe we can have life in some other plane too (mabbe I can have a different blog about all this sometime) …
Well, so here I am back into action and all set to never be miserable again. I know when I feel miserable I just have to sit back and count my blessings and I will be back on track again!! I also know now that today may be miserable but tomorrow will certainly be better!! Wat say u?
Well, you can imagine that after such a great evening I would be all in highest of spirits… but alas that was not to be. As soon as I entered my apartment…. I started feeling hot and cold at the same time and by the time my temperature had also gotten high. My voice was a croak (I think this may be ‘coz of the screaming I did in the football stadium). But anywaz… I tried reading a book but my eyes were filling up, and I had no energy left to make myself a meal. No one was at home and I was shit hungry… All the “order by phone and we deliver” services were not operating ‘coz of game. Gosh! I gave in to tears!! It was ages since I had cried so much. I was feeling so low, I wanted to go home and my cell phone wouldn’t even work. I tried calling one of my close friends. He stays near by … but well the phone just wouldn’t work. I just wanted a familiar face… I was at the moment feeling lonely (my BF is in India right now)… And all that just made me HOWL …… I cried myself to sleep and here I am today feeling much better and all set to face the world tomorrow.
The point of this whole story is how come when we need the most the things don’t actually go our way? Don’t you feel at times that the whole world is against you and god doesn’t love you anymore? Don’t you feel that “I wish I were dead and gone.. atleast then I would know that I was cherished?? I know whenever I feel down or miserable I am all but asking god to take me with her …. I feel I want to die and be in peace.
I have some really good friends here in US and back at home in India as well (Yeah! I am lucky as far as friends are concerned) and I have a gr8 family and a wonderful BF….. I couldn’t ask for more…. But here I was at the first stroke of misery wanting to die, pitying myself and weeping all over. We humans give in so easily to misery don’t we all? I bet we all love pitying about ourselves once in a while!!
Well, now that I am fine and doing good .. I realize how lame I was yesterday!! Gosh!! People are scared of death and yesterday I was thinking that death was perhaps the most beautiful thing of all. I was feeling that death brings with it peace unknown and it is the ultimate release from all this “maya” surrounding us!! I sound like a philosopher but hey I did think about all these things and more. But now I realize though I am not really scared of dying (atleast I think so) I think I would appreciate the true meaning of death and the beauty/ dread of it only after I have experienced my life. I want to experience all the things which I have dreamt of …. Live my life with him… be my own person…. Discover myself….. well,.. I have to indeed live my life ahead a lot ….I believe in life after death (and this has nothing to do with me being a Hindu) I just believe that when we have life here mabbe we can have life in some other plane too (mabbe I can have a different blog about all this sometime) …
Well, so here I am back into action and all set to never be miserable again. I know when I feel miserable I just have to sit back and count my blessings and I will be back on track again!! I also know now that today may be miserable but tomorrow will certainly be better!! Wat say u?
1 comment:
You gotta see Final Destination, all sequels....you might learn something from them.
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