Happenings of a rotten day.....a page from my life right now

As most of the rotten days begin my day began quite pleasantly. For once I got up early enough to have breakfast and walk to school at a normal pace. But that was about the only good thing which happened to me. I teach lab to 3rd year undergrad mechanical students and usually pride myself at doing the job well. But today I fumbled my way through the whole thing and I am not sure that they even understood what I was speaking about. The sad part was that this particular part of the lab was the one close to my heart; I knew everything that should have been know and was well versed with the intricacies of the topic involved, yet I stood there making a fool of myself.

Anywaz, after the lab I decided to sit and work on a journal paper which I had been postponing for a long while now ….. and I even finished it … I was just congratulating myself on a job well done when I decided to switch users on the computer….and somehow my whole folder got purged. My 1.5 months work, with no back up, a part of my thesis …everything… I tried retrieving it, but couldn’t. I asked a few guys I knew to do the same, but they couldn’t. The worst thing is that it’s my fault for not having had a back up for all my data. The tears are not far away, but I refuse to give in ‘coz the fault is all mine and I have to accept it. Hopefully the computer administrator of the department can help me tomorrow! I am keeping my fingers crossed, he is my last hope.

In the evening I was made to realize how I had started taking someone dear for granted and in the process was becoming rather insensitive to his feelings. I also realized that mabbe I had taken to “not” being entirely truthful to one person who mattered to me. The things he told me hurt me more ‘coz he hit very close to heart. I couldn’t be angry with him ‘coz each word was truth… but it did make me realize how much I need to grow in certain matters. But I do wish he understood me a little better, and realize that I wouldn’t be the same person if I change these things in me. For me he will always remain the most important person, but now I know that I will have to work towards this relationship mabbe much more than the others I have.

Well…… after this long discussion which made me feel even more rotten, my dearest roomie decided to “discuss” a few things. I just told her what I felt and she claimed she had no problem with me but she did have with my other roomie. And I just hope that they can sort it out….’coz I do like both the gals, they r just 2 very different people. I hate to be in a position where my heart and mind refuses to clearly support anyone. Frankly looking how things are going for me, I think that finally the blame may pass on to me. Gosh! I would die of guilt if it does (my conscious is clear, but yet……)

Finally as usual when exhausted with everything and everyone in the world, I choose to use my secret source of strength. I tried calling home, I wanted to just speak to mom, hear her voice, and know there is still someone who accepts and loves me with all my faults, who could tell me “things will be ok, you will be able to get over your setbacks” without telling me again and again about how stupid or irresponsible I was/am ( I hate hearing that). But I couldn’t get the call through. Oh! I am so tired and torn today that I could just break, but I will not……coz I know tomorrow will be better… any day will be better than today.