Today.....

I am feeling lonely today. Inspite of having Shiva, my family and some great friends I am feeling lonely. Work is not going well, I think probably ‘coz I just did not put enough effort. I am missing home and him. I just can’t bring myself to speak to my friends here about it. After all it is my burden to carry, why let anyone know about what I am feeling right now. I hate talking about my work with anyone, I like to deal with the things at work myself. There is a lot happening on work front which should not have happened, some of it (no perhaps, most of it) my fault. Knowing that I am to blame for the crap I find myself in, I find it difficult to even tell him about it. I am ashamed of myself at the moment and that shame is so great that it denies me the right to share it even with my own. Friends….. I have …….. but may be I am just not the kind who evokes strong feelings in people. May be I still have to grow and learn not to expect from people, that way I will not be disappointed. Perhaps, the mistake lies in me… I become too emotionally attached with some and when I am not responded in kind I find heart heavy with indescribable feelings. I hope in future atleast when I work I don’t ever have to ask anyone for help (for I know now that may be asking for help is very close to “using them”). Today, I have promised myself…. I am going to work and find everything I know by myself irrespective of how ever long it takes. I also will try not to feel so lonely, so alone and stranded………………..I have to do that…………. I have to survive with dignity n’ pride!!!