The precious need for approval

I had always believed that opinion of only one person mattered to me – my hubby. But today I realized that it may not be true.

For the long weekend we are off to Florida, and I decided to go and shop for a dress or two (I have never had a sundress/ summer dress, so I thought let me finally have that piece in my wardrobe). So I went with my new found friend/neighbor to mall and ended up buying three things…. None of which won my hubby’s approval.

On one hand I want him to be frank with me, on the other I want him to like my choices! We obviously have very different tastes in clothing and there is no mid way for us. So when he said “No” thrice in a row…. I like a balloon which lost itz air midway through itz flight.

Then I realized that all I want is for him to feel proud of me when we meet his closest friends in Flordia. I know I am being unfair to him as I write this ‘coz he has always been the best and shows in more ways than one of how he cherishes me.

Ours was a love marriage and we had our difficulties in finally winning the precious nod of approval from the family members. In India, his relatives made it more than evident about how they thought “he could have done so much better for himself”, while mine kept telling me that “you are a lucky gal”. I just want someone to tell him that he is lucky too………….. I know it is silly, but I can’t help wishing that someone would come up and only once tell him verbally that he is lucky too.

I know this is sheer vanity on my part..... but am I so bad? In his eyes I can see the love he harbors for me and I know that we both are lucky to have found each other. This by itself should be enough for me but I find that somewhere in my heart I seek approval from someone else as well (someone close to him).


You may wonder what this has to do with my shopping trip or anything… well, I had thought that I had banished this need for “approval” down to the dungeons of my thoughts (where it truly belongs). But today out of blue it held me captive yet again and I found myself thinking “hmmm.. mabbe this time (hopefully) someone may think that he is lucky to have me”.

I am scared that this will someday in future lead to sheer complications in the relationship. But how do I stop myself from thinking all this crap. Trust me I have tried, I manage to shoo the thoughts away, but sometimes this wanting just grips me so hard that it leaves me breathless.

I know I am wrong, I know that I don’t need anyone to tell him anything. I am confident of his love for me, I bask in it….. but yet why do I put myself through this??? WHY?