Florida trip!

Sunny days, parties, drinking, open sea and amazing time- for me all of them will forever remind me of Florida. Yeah, yeah I admit I did have a great time. All my fears, all my worries were rather unfounded and to my surprise I never did think even once about “I hope they think he is lucky”. I forgot everything and just basked in his company.

Oh yeah u betcha I had fun. A rental near the beach was helpful distraction. I am totally burnt, and the tan may take forever to go away (BTW I don’t like having a tan). But I had a great time and I also realized I am a very beach person!! Leave me in water and I could be there for ages. Of course having a hubby who piggy-backs me and tries to catch my legs in water is a great accessory to have in sea. Oh what I would not give to have a ocean view house!!

We went to Universal studios (The Disney world unfortunately was voted by all the guys to be too girlie). But I enjoyed that as well. My favorite was of course Shrek 4D show. I love the movie (both the parts) and have seen them innumerable times. So when I took snaps with the Donkey I was absolutely thrilled to bits. (Oh! I know itz kiddish but what the heck… I enjoy being kid sometimes)

This weekend has US opens on our schedule and we will be off seeing the semi-finals live with a couple of friends. And I just can’t wait for thrusday…my best friend in the whole world is coming for a visit and I am all set to act like a NYC guide (Groan once more.. but for her anything).

Looking forward to more fun …. But have to start looking for a job soon (A big thing on my “TO DO” list) …. More later…………………..

The precious need for approval

I had always believed that opinion of only one person mattered to me – my hubby. But today I realized that it may not be true.

For the long weekend we are off to Florida, and I decided to go and shop for a dress or two (I have never had a sundress/ summer dress, so I thought let me finally have that piece in my wardrobe). So I went with my new found friend/neighbor to mall and ended up buying three things…. None of which won my hubby’s approval.

On one hand I want him to be frank with me, on the other I want him to like my choices! We obviously have very different tastes in clothing and there is no mid way for us. So when he said “No” thrice in a row…. I like a balloon which lost itz air midway through itz flight.

Then I realized that all I want is for him to feel proud of me when we meet his closest friends in Flordia. I know I am being unfair to him as I write this ‘coz he has always been the best and shows in more ways than one of how he cherishes me.

Ours was a love marriage and we had our difficulties in finally winning the precious nod of approval from the family members. In India, his relatives made it more than evident about how they thought “he could have done so much better for himself”, while mine kept telling me that “you are a lucky gal”. I just want someone to tell him that he is lucky too………….. I know it is silly, but I can’t help wishing that someone would come up and only once tell him verbally that he is lucky too.

I know this is sheer vanity on my part..... but am I so bad? In his eyes I can see the love he harbors for me and I know that we both are lucky to have found each other. This by itself should be enough for me but I find that somewhere in my heart I seek approval from someone else as well (someone close to him).


You may wonder what this has to do with my shopping trip or anything… well, I had thought that I had banished this need for “approval” down to the dungeons of my thoughts (where it truly belongs). But today out of blue it held me captive yet again and I found myself thinking “hmmm.. mabbe this time (hopefully) someone may think that he is lucky to have me”.

I am scared that this will someday in future lead to sheer complications in the relationship. But how do I stop myself from thinking all this crap. Trust me I have tried, I manage to shoo the thoughts away, but sometimes this wanting just grips me so hard that it leaves me breathless.

I know I am wrong, I know that I don’t need anyone to tell him anything. I am confident of his love for me, I bask in it….. but yet why do I put myself through this??? WHY?

Those school days!

“Pinafore, double plaits, socks pulled up and red ribbons” are the first things which come to my mind when I think of my school. It evokes the memories of the best of times and the worst of times.

It was in school I was first made to realize I was a dark skinned Indian (and somehow that belittled me in eyes of some of those “fair skinned ones). It was there when I first realized that studies came easily to me. My love for reading went from strength to strength in those school years.

Being always a teacher’s pet made me an eyesore for many. I was considered what you may call nerd, I still made some great friends and still managed to turn out “OK” (atleast I hope so).

Having an Army background allowed me to have a variety in schools. I met different kinds of people from different walks of life, some of whom I cared for deeply, some whom I didn’t. I learn to be nonchalant about people saying crap about you and I learned to appreciate friends and friendship better.

I still don’t know if I was a very likable person in school… but I was in peace with myself and that I think could be counted as a good thing. Of course, I had my days of “Oh lord help me” but then they would sweep away equally fast!

I loved ribbons on my hair, I liked to dream about some day meeting someone who would actually see the “true me”, I had the most vivid imagination and thought the world was mine. I was fat then but it never bothered me, I was confident about myself. The worrying about gaining weight came in only later, but those years I was blissfully unaware that world liked thin, svelte females.

Unfortunately I wasn’t one of those “popular” kids, I secretly wished I was.. however, my pride held me back from changing myself to fit in the crowd. Today I am glad of it. There are many things in my past which I would like to go back and change but my school days are certainly not one of them. Popular or not I loved those days and would happily go back to them without a second thought!

So what attracts u?

“Attraction” is such an abstract word. It has different meanings for different people.

To me the word “attraction” was a highly overrated one word till I found myself “oh-ahhing” in my 10^th grade over one singly handsome actor. From then on I found the word applied not only to cute guys but to many other aspects of the life. Today I explore the few attractions which make my life colorful!

Of course, “SALE” sign makes my heart rate increase and I always experience this irresistible urge to just “pop” into the stores “just for a second”. (It ends up reflecting on my credit card for sure)

Very recently I have found myself being attracted to bright colored books.book. I have always been a voracious reader and finding myself picking up books simply because they have “bright” covers is something I still haven’t been able to decipher. But this has certainly brought in a sense of adventure to my reading, I seem to be reading a whole new range of books, one day an autobiography followed by a chick flick the very next.

My 31” HDTV just mesmerizes me, I find myself staring into its screen for long hours (mabbe itz got something to me being currently a homemaker?)

Amongst various other things “Choclate ice-cream” makes me weak on my knees. I find myself grappling at it every week (damn! My promises to junk the junk always goes down the drain).

Oh! I also find the “back profile” of men very interesting (Jeez I sound so freaking sleazy) but well truth can’t be denied!

But the most attractive of them all for me is my hubby darl’ (predicable ain’t it?) I just can’t stop thinking how lucky I am!

And at this note I end this blog of mine with a rather simple question to anyone who is reading this - " So what does the word bring to you?"

World trade center - Movie

Would I like to a movie about 9/11?

I can frankly say that I find the idea of a movie based on the event pretty disturbing. Every time I pass by WTC I have a sense of sadness engulf me. I am always overwhelmed and I stop for a minute or two to thank god for everything she has given me.

To imagine that the place would affect me so much is nothing short of amazing. I am not an American, I wasn’t even there when this happened and it really didn’t affect me any way. But some places have an aura which surrounds them and WTC is one place which is hard to ignore.

Scores of humanity rumbled into dust, a war resulted and a hollow right at the heart of city. Oh yeah! The place has a way of saying “look what has happened here, look how we far we humans have leaped ahead!” And when I see the trailers of the movie "world trade center, 9/11" on the TV, I feel something squeeze my heart. One part of me wants to see the movie, see if it really manages to move me as much as the ground zero does. However, another part, a much stronger one refuses to shies away from experiencing the images of “what may have happened”.

Am I wrong on my refusal to watch the movie? I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know I am not ready for it…… as yet!

New happenings and soccer!

Life has been so hectic lately that I never really got time to blog (oh yeah itz true…. Things like this do happen!)

Amongst the various things which happened to me in that period of “No Blogging” the most important was the fact that I defended (finally) and moved to NJ/NYC.

As far as the thesis defense goes.. mine was a smooth sailing, I was able to answer all the questions and I think the time I took to defend was well worth it. Oh yeah! The joy in knowing that you have done a good job in unparalleled.

And with that student phase of life now behind me, I don on the new avatar of “A Housewife” (atleast till I get a job). I have to admit, I lack the qualities that make a good housewife, get rather restless at home. Hmmmm… I am working on making a resume and intend to join the “mega job search” marathon soon enough.

Lemme know for sure if you know any openings for a MEMS process engineer or an electro-mechanical engineer…. J I am good at what I do and hopefully the people who hire will agree with me ;)

Soccer right now dominates my home sweet home. With a hubby who keenly follows the game, I decided to throw my hat in and made an attempt at understanding the intricacies of the game. I can now declare myself to be keenly waiting for the finals on Sunday and my vote is for Italy. With France winning with a doubtful penalty goal, I have to say to my untrained eyes Italy’s play against Germany seemed much more skilled. Pardon me if I am wrong, but I am rather new to this arena of “Soccer world” and to me one of the main benefits of seeing the soccer is that I get to cuddle very cozily in front of the TV ……….

Signing off at this note… itz me again back to the world of blogs and bloggers!

Am I blessed?

It has been a while since I visited anyone’s blog. Life has been keeping me busy. At work I wanted to finish something (I did not have to, but I wanted to) and I was working towards that. Today I am finally done with it…well, not quite but I just have one more step and I am sure that will work fine. So here I am finally feeling a sense of achievement seep into me. Yeah! It feels good to think I have done the work well. I have wanted to wail aloud when my masters took long, but now that I think of it, I never really had to pay a single penny for my education here. All through out I was funded and had a great professor.

Struggles were many, frustrations aplenty but somehow through all that I had hope. Hope has got me through, and now 29th looms ahead and before I know I will be done with my defense and masters.

Meanwhile, I have also started to feel sad about leaving some people behind. Sometimes in midst of talking, I find tears not far behind and it takes all my will power to control them from falling down my face. SIGH! How do people who were strangers not long ago come to mean so much?

Today I just feel I am very blessed in my friends, husband, family and work (oh yeah, that too).

Thesis done!!

Yo yo .. I am swinging, I am dancing .. I am even going round and round my table.. yo yo………………

I can’t believe I finally finished writing my thesis. Phew! What a relief and when my prof. said “Good Job” I was in the seventh heaven. I finally really am at the end of this journey of my life. I am defending on 29th June (hopefully, until something else comes up) and I can’t wait for it.

Yeah! I am a lil’ worried about my job and everything which will come after I graduate, but who gives a heck… I am happy that I am finally there.

I know this is stupid but I have this incredible urge to put up the “acknowledgement” part of my thesis in this blog. Since the time I have started writing this blog, it has always been a place where I write whatever is in my heart and right now I feel like shouting aloud “Thank you” to all those people who helped me come this way… so instead of having my acknowledgement in a thesis which may be no one would read I would rather acknowledge those people in this blog of mine!

however, on second thoughts I should possibly spare the few readers of this blog the headache of going through all my ramblings. I just know I am right now ready to hug all those who helped me on my way. I hope this lucky streak continues and i defend without any hitch, and do a good work of it too.

Oh yeah! I am happy today!