A few weeks back while doing random "google-ing" I came across this website of Dove (yeah the soap makers) called the campaign for real beauty. Curious to know how they defined "real beauty" I ventured into the site half expecting it be yet another promotion of the "Dove" product . But, I was in for a surprise! Though the campaign is infact an Ad... It does explore and try to redefine the word "real beauty". The campaign talks about how any women is beautiful and how beauty comes with acceptance. They deviate from the standard definition of a prefect figure 36-26-36 and talk about how the being normal is beautiful. How there is beauty in everyone, itz just that we have to look more closely to discover it.
Reading about the standards set by the society abt beauty lead me to think a couple of things which I hadn't thought for a long time now.... Going down the memory lane..I still remember the time when I was younger and mocked for being darker than most of the Indian gals. I remember coming back home and crying ( I would never cry in school ..u c I had too much pride to let them know they got me) wanting never to go back to school. I hated school and I couldn't understand why those people could never c that I was smarter than most, that I had a height which some would die for and my features if not pretty were not repelling to the eye. I would stand in front of the mirror and wonder why I couldn't have looked better, why I couldn't have been fair. But, as I grew up thanks to my mom I learned to accept myself as I am and know that I am good looking by my own rights! But, well some invisible scars still remain. I still have a problem accepting compliments about my looks and I still manage to find a million flaws in me physically (driving my BF crazy with a discussion abt the same). And whenever I go back home to India the feelings seem to seep right back in. The last time I went I was asked by a few people to get married fast 'coz being dark would probably pose a big problem. Infact my own uncle told me -"Good ur smart and educated so even with your complexion u will have a good chance". Blah! Who wants to get married to a person who is so hell bent on the outer looks? Also, I know of a few gals who are darker than me, but ...Wow...They are amazingly hot.
Why is that most of the Indian guys alwaz want a great looking gal with an amazing figure when they themselves have nothing to write home about? Why is the society so hell bent on defining the looks as good or bad? When will we realize that every person is beautiful and all you need to do is to know the person for the person? When will the women really be liberated from the limiting standards of beauty and sexiness?? Hopefully there will come some day when the man will be truly liberated from the confines of the closed mind and recognize the beauty in true sense.
Reading about the standards set by the society abt beauty lead me to think a couple of things which I hadn't thought for a long time now.... Going down the memory lane..I still remember the time when I was younger and mocked for being darker than most of the Indian gals. I remember coming back home and crying ( I would never cry in school ..u c I had too much pride to let them know they got me) wanting never to go back to school. I hated school and I couldn't understand why those people could never c that I was smarter than most, that I had a height which some would die for and my features if not pretty were not repelling to the eye. I would stand in front of the mirror and wonder why I couldn't have looked better, why I couldn't have been fair. But, as I grew up thanks to my mom I learned to accept myself as I am and know that I am good looking by my own rights! But, well some invisible scars still remain. I still have a problem accepting compliments about my looks and I still manage to find a million flaws in me physically (driving my BF crazy with a discussion abt the same). And whenever I go back home to India the feelings seem to seep right back in. The last time I went I was asked by a few people to get married fast 'coz being dark would probably pose a big problem. Infact my own uncle told me -"Good ur smart and educated so even with your complexion u will have a good chance". Blah! Who wants to get married to a person who is so hell bent on the outer looks? Also, I know of a few gals who are darker than me, but ...Wow...They are amazingly hot.
Why is that most of the Indian guys alwaz want a great looking gal with an amazing figure when they themselves have nothing to write home about? Why is the society so hell bent on defining the looks as good or bad? When will we realize that every person is beautiful and all you need to do is to know the person for the person? When will the women really be liberated from the limiting standards of beauty and sexiness?? Hopefully there will come some day when the man will be truly liberated from the confines of the closed mind and recognize the beauty in true sense.
10 comments:
Thats because most Indian guys think that their brain alone is enough, it doesnt matter if they have such a large paunch that they look pregnant. On the other hand women are supposed to be beautiful, smart but 'homely', with a good figure AND fair complexion. That is why we often see beauty and the beast pairings- Guy= beast Girl= beauty.
Oops I forgot to add- the guys 'think' that they are smart but they often arent!!
Well..."Kaale hain to kya hua..Dilwaale hain"..Thats what the spirit is in us always..!!!
Hey aparna you had people behind your back for being dark, and it did not really bother you....I had people who used to take my ass for being fat, now after, so much so that I ate even more to prove that fat is'nt so bad afterall (man think about all that sizzling food you get ). Now after living in the US,I have more men/women compliment me than ever. So it did take me atleast 23 years to realize that. And at the end of the day "Heck who cares !!!" RIGHT !
hey..well i guess now u are well over ur "being dark skinned indian" thing. Its been two year in US, and I guess, here it is had for someone to explain others tat u r brown nd not lack. Here, either u r white or colored..thats it.
Maybe in Indian society, its bcos of the concept of arranged marriage thats all elders r luking for a suitable match for their girls/guys and alwyas think in this way. But now with changing society when youngsters like us tend to find our 'soul mates' ourselves, this thing will also get over..maybe slowly..!!!
As for urs nd sizzling tree's strong comments against Indian guys, lemme remind u..ur dearest is an indian guy...i duuno whats is store for her..:D
Seems wierd to leave comment in ly own blog.. but had to say this....Kan... I think ur just being hypocritical abt Indian guys.. If u read the post carefully it mentions "most" of the Indian guys...not "all" the Indian guys... letz b fair there r some who r not so.. but more than them are Indian guys who r so.....
And I am lucky.... I have frnds (like u) and my BF who seem to be not in tht "most" category ....
wtever i agree
wid anything u say
sis
n kan mind u get back n have a look at aparna's comment
hats off to u......n hey u r gorgeous.......for those who can c n those who cannot
Apparna..first of all..am very happy to read this post..It's not at all easy to be so vocal and
so unrestrained abt' one's past experiences, esp. when they r not soo pleasant to recall.n hey pal one thing i wud want to clarify here.It's not juss the complexion that's an issue with ppl, there are also several more..like height,weight,education..etc.
n believe me..don't feel bad ab't all this..u dont' have to "IMPERFECT" in ne sense to be
pestered by ppl..esp. relatives here in India;)..they juss have to do it...a girl is an easy prey..so they can target her..shooting off their mouth, more often when it's not required.Abt' most of the guys in india i cudn't agree more...their inflated egos stop them frm having a gud look at themselves.I recall an incident wen i was goin back home in my school bus,a friend of mine told me he's ab't to leave his gf soon..on askin the reason he tells..he saw nother girl in
the school who's fairer than his curret gf..Gosh!!i wont' say he was too immature to think on those lines but that's the truth..no matter hw much guys deny n shw how much CHANGED the scenario is 2day.But i smwhat dint' agree with blaming juss the guys for that..even family membrs dont' spare girls esp.,without giving a single thought what the girl goes through after that.There have been several incidents when me n my sis have been the target of baseless comparisons by my own relatives..n that too wen neither of us has a dark complexion as per indian standards n both look gud too.so this shd dispell the myth..one can not only b targetted if she aint' fair.I remember while we 2 were as old as 13-14,ppl usd to tease my sis sayin how fat she is n at the
same time wud tell me hw thin i am n look soo malnourished.we 2 wud wonder..wot's their prblm..n smtimes wud also say..look ur the darker one ur sis is soo pretty..they wud also tell my
sis..look at ur elder sis she's soo intelligent,n u so dumb..n 2day they r the one's who try to
develop friendly relations with her coz she proved them all wrong n now is a doc frm a very
famous college in India.Still they have prblms with her height her weight n now ask me what
happened to u..u usd to b the better one..it doesn;t affect either of us..but yess we both have stopped attending family functions completely..n here the issue is not the dark skin..the issue is they want smthing to gossip over..The point here is..yess there is a prblm with the indian mindset n it's not juss the complexion .I also agree it's improving,however,with the girls.Girls want to be accepted more coz of qualities n not juss coz of their looks.I smhw do not take the words of guys who say it's okay for them to have a no so pretty gf..they are being hypocritic.It's still a long way to go b4 they accept a girl for what she is n not for her looks..While presenting their girl in front of ppl for the first time,they invariably want to hear,"wow,she's gud".coz nething else will hurt their hollow egos.
One qs keeps naggin me all the time..shd we blame the guys for all this.Arnt' we girls too
responsible for it..y do we turn the guys in our lives to gods.Y shd only his likes n dislikes
rule our's.y shdn't an eduucated n sound minded girl have space/choice of her own.after all,
majority of our female relatives were the one;s who instilled this idea of fairness/gud figure
boy/girl etc. kind of feelings in our minds for the first time.They would tell us to eat this..not eat that n endless such suggestions ..who were they to say that- for a girl to be acceptabl,she shd b fair/slim..y were we not told..child do what u like,eat what suits ur
preference,u look gud w/o makeup too.y wasnt' a healthy body n a healthy mind made the priority.n y
is it not even today.Y shd a girl feel guilty for her shape her color wen she has nothin to do
with the way she was born n y.. shd our own ppl discriminate with us wen we r completely different ppl.n i dont' mind accepting this..that i too must b supporting them in sm way or the
other,i too am not liberated frm this fair color/slim figure notion,i too wont; mind goin an
extra mile juss to keep my guy happy n in return not xpect the same frm him.Am i not losing
respect for myself in my own eyes.Y shd i feel bad on a bad hair/bad skin day ,y am i not very confident wen i say,aparna it's okay to be dark,ur such a lovely girl,i know that.But i also knw am not the guy who loves u.Coz i knw it's different for a guy,they want a gud package,both gud frm outside n also frm inside.After all he has to spend his lifetime with u.Y is majority not like Shiva?
Waah Nidhi Waah...!!!
Banarasi paan ki kasam..anand aa gaya t..tumhara comment padh ke !!!
Translation:
Wow Nidhi ! It was a pleasure reading your comment. I am proud of you and myself !!!
Nidhi...
First of all .. i see you have taken it frm Kan to spell my name as Apparna... :)...and yeah I think you are right when you say that girls also share the blame, but well you know it is often said " A man is but a product of his enviorment" and i stand by it. I think it is just because since the time we were small we have been taught to think on those lines we do. Of course, we raise a protest against it and show that we are not really concerned. But the thought of it still lurks beneath us 'coz what has been told to us since we were young just doesn't go away with a shrug!! But well letz hope this ends with us and when we grow up we don't become like those countless "uncles and aunties" who have no other business other than butt into others lives!!
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