Yesterday being Thursday - not much awaited Friday (Yippee finally it is Friday today) and thankfully not dreary Monday.... my roomies and I settled on seeing an age old Indian Hindi movie "Utsav". Directed by one of my favorite theatre personalities Girish Karnad (Oh! Most of his plays are amazing) I was all set to be entertained by this “very famous” movie. There is no doubt that the both actresses in this movie Rekha and Anuradha Patel looked absolutely “delicious”, stunningly so at times but what actually caught my attention towards the end was something entirely different. In the movie Rekha has a torrid affair with Anuradha’s husband and when Anuradha comes to know of this she not only accepts it (like a good ol’ Indian wife) but also welcomes Rekha with open hands. Of course she claimed to have many reasons for it, the most important one being that their (Anuradha’s n’ her hubby’s) sex life improved dramatically ever since that indiscretion.
Now this set me thinking…Could it be possible for a woman to accept the presence of another woman in her man’s life irrespective of the benefits it may hold? Of course I have heard of the argument that love and sex are two different things and I agree with it too. I do believe that you can have sex without love and I also know that physical attraction is an amazing force sometimes too strong and too easy to give in to. But I also believe that when you love a person you cannot bring yourself to betray him and from my “very-Indian” view point sleeping with someone else when you are in a relationship is equivalent to doing so. Yeah may be my outlook towards this topic may be a little clouded n’ outdated ‘coz I have been brought up in a society which looks at anything sexual before marriage as a “sin” and “taboo”. But irrespective of this having intimacy with any one else other than “him” just doesn’t feel right in my heart and soul and I suppose that when anyone betrays their soul all they are left after the excitement dies down is a gnawing feeling of guilt. I know I couldn’t n wouldn’t do it…..not only ‘coz of the guilt factor but also ‘coz I simply cannot think of anyone else in those terms (yeah! I am lovesick puppy).
Now coming back to the topic of accepting the other women…. I know loving “him” as I do…. I cannot tolerate the thought of him with anyone else. Gosh! I can’t believe I sound so possessive but what the heck when I am true he better be that too. And if in case he slips I know then he never loved me enough. I have no hang ups about him flirting with girls, appreciating the looks of any woman or going out with another woman once in while but I draw a line for anything beyond it. I know he loves me too much and I am secure in this love of his but even just supposing a hypothetical situation makes my blood boil!! And I really can’t see how any women would be able to forgive her man’s indiscretion and accept him back into her fold. I know it is often said that “To forgive is to truly love” but pardon me if I ask- “would a man do the same? Would he turn a blind eye to his woman’s slip? Would he??” and of course isn’t it true that trust once betrayed is almost impossible to build again? I know for me it is a scenario with only one end – “Heartbreak and an utter sense of betrayal and loss”… I cannot and will not ever tolerate anything like this however much I love the person, however much I hurt myself in the process. After a lotta thinking I think I can at least lay out a few main ingredients for a successful relationship and they are: love, trust, respect and integrity. And to say anything more would be sheer redundancy, hence for now at this point I rest my case and my thoughts.
5 comments:
Can't believe that you started blogging just 5 days ago. Girl, you got some edge in your writings. Your words show the intense emotions you possess while churning out your thoughts and channelling them to the world wide web. Read all your posts & I must say, they were astounding.
Ohkay, coming back to your latest post, something you worte that caught my attention. It goes like this...“would a man do the same? Would he turn a blind eye to his woman’s slip? Would he??” Now, before you start thinking up ideas about me, let me make something clear that I'm no way a very chauvinistic male who's ego's hurt seeing his "kind" being insulted. No, it's not that.
What I wish to point out is that...are you really sure that there's no man at all who'll forgive his wife/lover for being indiscrete, for sharing her bed with some other guy? C'mon...now you are getting narrow minded! You can find loads of examples where it's the wife who breaks the so called integrity & trust that you mention in your post. Ohkay, agreed that the percentage is very little...but still, such cases do exist. And even in those cases, there are cases of their male partners to overlook the sin and accept the woman back into his life.
Ohkay, I think it's gonna take us a huge discussion to agree on any point. As for now, I'd just only say that don't point out the guys in general...try solving the issues themselves!
Aparna,
Thanks for coming by my space .
And u have a truly Homely space here.
Its hard to believe u startde blogging so very recently.
Congrats! U have done an absolutely fantatstic job.
Please do keep dropping in.And i ll try and update as frequently as I can.
Cheers!
-Arjun
Such thoughts usually come out of a person after he/she goes through an intense emotional experience like having sex for the first time. I am not suggesting that the same was your case, but mine was something like I just said. The first time I lost my virginity, I began to hear my mother's voice - the words that kept repeating in my ear while I was packing my bag before I left India for the first time. But after coming to the states and after being with many men of different races including Indians, African Americans and whites, I have come to the conclusion that sex is not a bad thing after all. I have found out that what my mother said all along was wrong and I am glad that I broadened my sexual horizons and this would have never have happened if I stayed home with my mother. I am currently engaged, and my fiancé is in India. Although I am still physically and emotionally attracted to him, I need to satisfy my carnal desires. You live only once and once you are middle-aged you cannot have any regrets. My fiancé knows that I have slept with men after our engagement, but he still loves me and we had a great time last month when he visited LA on his business trip. I am not a slut but the permissive society here allows me to experiment with my sexuality in ways that I never imagined possible even in my wildest dreams.
- Poornima
I second shayon on ur writing skills.u certainly rock..n i also see an xcelent writer in the making..:)
Hey Aparna, it's been really long since I last visited your page. Make no mistake, it's no way that I don't like your blogs, I simply love them...but something I don't have at my call & beck is the Sands of Time. Got my exams nearing and have no clue about even the syllabi ;-) So, had been keeping myself away from the net, 'coz I know I can never stop myself from Blogging once I'm online :-p. Thanx a lot for stopping by My Labyrinth. I'm sorry I won't be writing for a few days now for reasons I've already stated. I'll surely inform you when I resume. Till then, wish you the best of physical and emotional health!
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