one of my fav things

I just realised my fav flower are tulips... that too pinkish-red in color....'coz he suprises me with those once in a while.. and it makes my heart sing and me dance :)

My new year's GIFT!!

Yipee! I got a new years gift… my first new years gift ever and what makes it really special is that this is something I wanted to get myself for ages and ages and finally its mine – “my precious” (lord of the rings golem style). It sleek, and slides in and out easily and makes amazing noise (I did almost purr when I first saw it out). And before you get your imagination really wild, it my new cell phone ….. Siemens SL55. I have been in love with it since it first came out in the market two years ago, but being a student it was quiet beyond my pockets capacity. Now that the rates are slashed (old model and all) I don’t even feel guilty receiving it as a gift.
Guys love cars and most of the girls love make-up but I for some weird reason have been fascinated with the cell phones! There was a time when I kept track of the latest happenings in the cell-phone world and was well versed with the various technologies involved in it. Well, it doesn’t sound like much, but the fact is that the intricate details involved in it is rather amazing. But this love affair ended rather tragically when I got my first cell phone Motorola V600. Alas! From then on, I seem to just have had constant bad luck with the “mobile” world. I have had to change 6 cell-phones in past 2 years. Once I couldn’t hear, in one the numbers wouldn’t dial and so on. Thank god I was under warrantee… but that blessing also ended when outta sheer frustration I threw my cell phone and it cracked. From thereon I had to do with an “hand-me-down” nokia phone (which looked more like a walkie-talkie). So now you can imagine how excited I must be at the moment to get my hands on such a small, cutie pie of a cell-phone. Yeah! Yeah! Here I come with my new phone!!!!!!!!

A simple thought

I was asked why he loves me so..... I really don't know... but I guess I am just lucky that he does :)

Am I this??

I saw this quizz from Sirisha's blog and as usual cldn't resist taking it and the result I have to admit has me like "me? this???" take it your self and see if it matches with what you think you are :)

You Are Boyish Sexy

You're the kind of girl who gets along with all the boys Whether it's holding your own in a game of touch football... Or kicking some major butt while playing Xbox. You hang with the guys easily, while still keeping your girly sexiness.

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

I hope.....

• To not feel shy, look at him, into his eyes without heat rushing onto my face
• To finish the first three chapters of my thesis while I am holidaying (HIGH HOPES)
• To meet some good ol' friends
• To have clear skies, twinkling stars and not "so cold" NYC
• To skate without falling in every two seconds
• To shake my leg and have fun on the new year's eve
• To check out those museums I have been eying for quite sometime now
• To shake off that "shyness, coyness" which comes from being an Indian and freak out big time
• To wear layers of clothing and still look "Good"
• To eat and eat and not put on a pound
• To cook fabously (after all a way to man's heart is through his stomach)
• To savour and enjoy each moment in NYC with him and friends

Equality - in and out of the bed!

“Memoirs of a Geisha” is the last book I read and since then I catch myself pondering over it at odd times. When I think of the life which a Geisha leads I consider myself so lucky, at least I have the chance to make my own choices, make my own life and my own mistakes. I decide with whom I spend the rest of my life, I bask in the knowledge that I am loved and cherished, I have the right to make all the important decisions and lay my own rules for living my life. Gosh! I can’t imagine having none of this freedom and I also wonder if a guy could take all this that a women can. Somehow I doubt it, I don’t think a guy will ever live and not loose his dignity and metal peace under same circumstances. I still don’t understand how a man who is married and has a home still seeks comfort in bed elsewhere. What is with men and sex? Why are many of the men not satisfied with having one mate? And why should the rules differ for women? Why is that a woman is chastised and thrown for crimes of passion while men revel in it? Of course some men claim to have this insatiable urge which has to be satisfied and can’t be satiated with a single partner, why is the same not valid for women?????? Don’t take me wrong, I have immense respect in relationships (I myself am in one) but I am always ready to take up arms against discrimination of any kind and for me this looks like a discrimination. May be it’s the time we not only had women’s brothel but men’s as well. In this world where we scream for equality, it is the time that women treat men the same way as they have been treated in and out of the bed, only then would world be a fair place in all respects!!!

Artic Vs NYC.. shopping .... and more happenings!

So I did it……..inspite of having made an resolution very recently not to exert my budget … I went shopping yet again yesterday!! (With this shopping I have thrown my credit card to the darkest corner and am working on hypnotizing myself to believe that I don’t have a CC!!! )Of course.. to me the reason for it sounds very reasonable. It is my first new years with my dear darl’ and I want him out flat absolutely. I got myself a silhouette which makes me look lot taller than my 5 feet 8 inches and a great looking spaghetti top which shows my figure to an advantage ( I think I look sexy…since no one else will say it to me, I may as well admit it). I just hope “he” thinks so too… and when I think about how cold it is gonna be in NYC and me in the spaghetti … I kinda freeze on my tracks!! Brrrrr…. For a person from the land of bayou, NYC is bound to be like the Artic. So with an aim to prepare myself to the “harsh” conditions and to survive through the cold, I picked up a book based on artic recently and decided to follow exactly what they mention in the book to prevent cold. I am going to walk a lil’ bend (looking towards the ground, keeping my back much like the camels hump), so that I don’t let air into my lungs directly and take deep shallow breaths. Also, I am going to try my best not to shiver, as when u shiver- ur body looses resistance and you become more prone to cold (SHIT). Now I feel all geared up to face the mother nature with a smirk and say to her “look look I survived!!”. Amongst my various grand plans in NYC is the plan to learn ice skating. I admit I have tried my hand on it once earlier and all I did was to land on my BUTT all the time. This time I am all set to prove that I can land on my head and back as well :). So wish me all the best friends ‘coz I am gonna take the risk of bending my already twisted brain a lil’ more with all the falling down!!! God bless my boy friend/ fiancé (yeah yeah!! We are getting married soon, and its official …WOW) coz he is the one who has to bear with my “Ohhhs” and “Ahhhh” and “hmmmmm….” (all puns intended ;)….). Yeah!! I admit that I am counting my days till I see “him” and I have all plans of jumping on him (easier said than done, unfortunately, my Indian upbringing makes me a very shy Desi face to face) and in all probability I am gonna be in all thumbs when I see him- blushing as usual and taking my own sweet time in airport to actually look up and see his face (LORD!! CAN U BELIEVE THAT? I still can’t believe I do that each and every time!! ). People who know me will never believe I can be shy (what the heck! Neither can I) but well herez the news flash- “ I am, I am…incredibly so around u know who”. We have a couple of friends coming from else where for New years and normally I would be all excited about it but…. Right now I am hoping that I get along with all of them well (all r his friends and we just realized it yesterday that so many r gracing us with their presence)!! Well, I am sure itz gonna b a gr8 fun and more the merrier (or so goes the saying) …..right now I just can’t wait for 24th to come (‘coz thts when I get to meet HIM) and I am jumping up and down on my sofa with the excitement and before I break the sofa (and my roomie kills me for that) I better sign off at this ecstatic note and more updates as time permits.

Follow the white rabbit..................

Yesterday after a long tiring working day, I was all set to die of exhaustion but I decided to live a while longer when these words lit up my TV screen:

“Wake up, Neo”
“The Matrix has you”
“Follow the white rabbit”

Every time I see Matrix, I am spellbound at the sheer genius and innovativeness of the idea. This exhilarating movie completely manages to glue me to the couch every single time. Neo..Trinity….Morpheus…Mr.Smith, the interaction between each of these characters and their role is just awesome! Of course I have read many articles about it being inspired by “alice in wonderland/ wizard of Oz”, but who cares? The movie is in fact one of those rare ones that successfully manages to create an absolutely delightful blend of kinetics, atmosphere, intelligent concepts and jaw-dropping action and effects. It toys successfully with the boundaries between reality and fantasy to create an unmistakable symbolism even on deeper level. Irrespective of how many times I see the movie it never ever falls into the boring, expected patterns instead always manages to involve me. I can go on and on about the Matrix, itz underlying philosophy and its mind boggling effect on me, but well this is not really an review and more blah, blahing may make it sound like one…….. so lemme end this here with a confession that for me Matrix is and will be – “One of the best movies ever made”!!!

BEWARE-- This is my take on Indian politics at the moment!!!!

“Natwar Singh resigns” proclaims the Indian headline for the day. No surprises there, ever since the allegations against him for Iraq’s oil-for-food program this has been a much expected move. And the fact that it is another big official at the helm of the scandal in India comes as no surprise either (Laloo-fodder scam…etc etc). With BJP creating an ruckus at the parliament it was just a matter of time before Natwar Singh stepped down and now that he has done so, I can’t help but wonder what new scene would the opposition need to disrupt the proceedings yet again. Of course I agree that the Volcker committee's revelations brought disrepute to the country and in Advani’s own words “Disrepute is due to the fact that beneficiaries of the international scam are running the government at the Centre”. I agree that the guilty needs to be punished and I am in complete accordance with the opposition screaming “murder”! But what I really don’t understand is that what the NDA was doing in January 2004 when it first came to know about congress’s involvement with the oil-for-food. BJP of course denies having prior knowledge but well as the saying goes “there is no smoke without fire”, I fail to understand why the NDA government did not act then? Was it ‘coz they wanted their regime to be smooth or mabbe they didn’t want to stir hornet’s nest before the elections! Anyways the point is that no political party actually raises a voice for the country they r supposed to serve! The arguments are dished out and the opinions loudly voiced only when the party see’s some political mileage. I know this scenario holds good for political parties all over the world…. But somehow when it comes to the Indian politics the hypocrisy seems to be more evident! I know I am back lashing and stating opinion about something which I admit to having just layman’s knowledge of, but well, aren’t the policies and working of the political parties meant for layman! I may not be right, I know that my comprehension about the whole “hypocrisy in Indian politics” may be a bit skewed, but I also know that I am still hoping for more refined politics to gain stronghold. Politics will always be a game with no rules, nothing can change that, but I hope with time as more and more educated people gain entry to the political arena, our Indian politics may perhaps grow to be more subtle and less “noisy”. Well, who knows this may yet become a reality…. After all miracles never cease to happen!

Saturday shopping and a lil' blah, blah......

Today I am in a mood to bitch about someone and before I am done with writing this piece I will do it too. But there are certain more important things about which I definitely need to write about like shopping. Yesterday I decided to go shopping and since I don’t have my own transportation, I usually end up asking one of my friends. But since I wasn’t really in a mood to do the asking for either a ride or company, I decided to catch the public transportation and go on a shopping spree. Once in the mall, I went to all the stores where I could without thinking “Oh! man what will the guy think”… the absolute girlie stores which most of my Indian friends would refuse to step into. I blew money, left, right and center. But I think of the things I bought as an investment! I certainly feel very good looking when I wear those “certain” things and the fact that they belong to “my eyes only” territory makes me feel even better. Hmmmm… but one thing which I bought and was skeptical about buying was a leather jacket. I saw it on the rack and fell in love with it and the fact that it was on sale made it too hard to resist. I went into the trail room with it and was trying out the jacket when two American ladies came by and told me “wow! That looks nice on you, you certainly have the figure to carry it off!” (imagine me having a FIGURE). Well, I was still in doubts when the lady who was in-charge for the trail room walked in and told me “I hope you are buying it, it looks great on you!” and an old lady who just got out of one of the trail rooms nodded her head in agreement. That decided it! I went ahead and used my credit card (I am sure I will whine when I pay the bills). Anywaz, since I was on a spending spree, I even went to Dillards with an idea of buying myself some make-up (I don’t have any), unfortunately the lady who suggests which one to buy had already left………so that bought my shopping spree to an end. In the bus, on the way back home, I decided that to give back the jacket if my roomies didn’t like it. So I came home and the first thing I did was to try on the jacket for my roomies benefit. Though her reaction wasn’t as enthusiastic as the American’s, I still decided to keep it as she said it did look nice. And so here I am sitting on my bed, still glowing with the afterglow of spending money, “retail therapy” absolutely rocks!

Coming to bitching, I am just ready to shout at one of my roomies, I know she and another roomie don’t really see eye to eye, but she sends me an email saying “Hi.. your expenditure is _____________bye ___”! She could have told me the same thing face to face or called me and told me this. The first thing in the morning when I get up, I get to hear “Hey fridge needs to be cleaned”. Well, I agree, but why should I do it alone. I don’t mind if all are there helping out. It is not like I am the only person using the fridge and moreover most of the stuff inside in the vessels in not even mine! I just get irritated when things like this are said, it would have been better if I was told “Hey, we ought to clean the fridge”. What I don’t understand is that just ‘coz I come home earlier than her doesn’t mean I work less, I just can’t be productive after giving in “7-8 hours” of constant work and I choose to come back home and unwind. I really don’t understand “I am too busy to help u, but you can do it alone anywaz” concept. I just don’t want to talk to her about it ‘coz I like her and would not want to pick up a fight before leaving. I hate being “ordered” and I believe in having an “collective responsibility” for the apartment and I refuse to tend it to alone!

After effects of the "rotten" day!

My dad had often called me “sensitive” and today I just have to agree with him. My heart still feels heavy and tears are just ready to fall (I am so prone to tears), but I somehow control it and I tell myself to stop being a fool. Its just that I have never really seen “my dearest” angry and yesterday when I heard him, I just felt my heart ache. The ache continues and it hurts so much more ‘coz I know the reason for my “very-calm” person to lose his anger was me. I wish I was more sensitive to others needs. Mabbe I am self obsessed, mabbe all I think about it always “ME, Me and me”, I feel like a selfish jerk and I feel like a slob. I couldn’t get up from the bed and I couldn’t sleep, I kept turning and tossing but my mind finds no peace. I do have this habit of making a mountain outta mole hill and I think that is what I am doing now. I have to be in school, to get over the setbacks I suffered yesterday, start writing again, but I just feel so ……………well……something. Its like a hand holding and squeezing my heart dry. My work, my friends, my relationships… I am good at nothing at all. I feel like a failure in all the ways possible and I do wish I was smarter, more responsible, nicer and a good person. But I find myself being neither. I find myself questioning god’s design. I wish I was in island, that way I would never have the ability to hurt anyone, say anything wrong or loose any important data with a press of button. I always have wanted to be good at what I do…. Including being a good friend, a good GF, a good daughter… a good sis, a good worker, roomie etc etc.………….but I seem to just fall short of everything. I know that right now I am feeling sorry about myself and making myself feel more miserable (I am too practical not to know that) but I just can’t make this feeling go away!

I sometimes think that I will never be truly happy ‘coz I am always worried, pondering over something or the other. Of course, this can’t be entirely true ‘coz I am happy most of the times, itz just that I don’t really write about my happy times. Writing about things which bother me always makes me feel better, it helps me analyze my thoughts and know where I am going wrong. As I write this too, I feel like a load lifting off, I feel better and I wonder what is so therapeutic about writing down ones feeling. Well, who knows and whoz bothered, I just know it works for me and I know by evening if things go well, I will be happy again with all these thoughts of introspection behind me. I know by evening I would have already realized my faults and would try to get over them (sometimes successfully, sometimes unsuccessfully)…… I will probably feel lucky about being me….till the next wave of my introspection hits me!

Happenings of a rotten day.....a page from my life right now

As most of the rotten days begin my day began quite pleasantly. For once I got up early enough to have breakfast and walk to school at a normal pace. But that was about the only good thing which happened to me. I teach lab to 3rd year undergrad mechanical students and usually pride myself at doing the job well. But today I fumbled my way through the whole thing and I am not sure that they even understood what I was speaking about. The sad part was that this particular part of the lab was the one close to my heart; I knew everything that should have been know and was well versed with the intricacies of the topic involved, yet I stood there making a fool of myself.

Anywaz, after the lab I decided to sit and work on a journal paper which I had been postponing for a long while now ….. and I even finished it … I was just congratulating myself on a job well done when I decided to switch users on the computer….and somehow my whole folder got purged. My 1.5 months work, with no back up, a part of my thesis …everything… I tried retrieving it, but couldn’t. I asked a few guys I knew to do the same, but they couldn’t. The worst thing is that it’s my fault for not having had a back up for all my data. The tears are not far away, but I refuse to give in ‘coz the fault is all mine and I have to accept it. Hopefully the computer administrator of the department can help me tomorrow! I am keeping my fingers crossed, he is my last hope.

In the evening I was made to realize how I had started taking someone dear for granted and in the process was becoming rather insensitive to his feelings. I also realized that mabbe I had taken to “not” being entirely truthful to one person who mattered to me. The things he told me hurt me more ‘coz he hit very close to heart. I couldn’t be angry with him ‘coz each word was truth… but it did make me realize how much I need to grow in certain matters. But I do wish he understood me a little better, and realize that I wouldn’t be the same person if I change these things in me. For me he will always remain the most important person, but now I know that I will have to work towards this relationship mabbe much more than the others I have.

Well…… after this long discussion which made me feel even more rotten, my dearest roomie decided to “discuss” a few things. I just told her what I felt and she claimed she had no problem with me but she did have with my other roomie. And I just hope that they can sort it out….’coz I do like both the gals, they r just 2 very different people. I hate to be in a position where my heart and mind refuses to clearly support anyone. Frankly looking how things are going for me, I think that finally the blame may pass on to me. Gosh! I would die of guilt if it does (my conscious is clear, but yet……)

Finally as usual when exhausted with everything and everyone in the world, I choose to use my secret source of strength. I tried calling home, I wanted to just speak to mom, hear her voice, and know there is still someone who accepts and loves me with all my faults, who could tell me “things will be ok, you will be able to get over your setbacks” without telling me again and again about how stupid or irresponsible I was/am ( I hate hearing that). But I couldn’t get the call through. Oh! I am so tired and torn today that I could just break, but I will not……coz I know tomorrow will be better… any day will be better than today.

Yippee I am a mid-rank Nerd

I took this test about level of nerdiness (thanx to Kanishk ) and found that I am a mid-level nerd...well, I have always been a "wanna-b nerd" and after doing masters in engineering I suppose I shld be able to qualify as a nerd anywaz.... being a nerd makes you kinda stand out ;) ..... hopefully I stand out otherwise too....but the quiz by itself is nothin gr8..any freshman cld qualify to b a nerd.. u just need to kow certain basic stuff...n' ur a NERD..... so check out wat u cld qualify to b :)

My thanksgiving resolution

I never knew I could term myself as a “shopoholic” and here I am today, ready to do so. Ahh! Each week I promise myself that I won’t spend on anything frivolous or unnecessary this week… and poof!! Thanks to the advent of the internet shopping all my good intentions fly outta window! Thankfully I still haven’t started spending beyond what I earn and I still manage to clear my credit cards at the end of the month (Phew! Thank god for small mercies and that little bit of brains I still happen to have left).

Well, the weird thing of my “shopoholicsm” is that I get bouts of buying something particular. The results of my last venture into net shopping fills my apartment to the brink……“Books”….. I spend a fortune on it and I still treasure all the books that I have with me. I still feel that thrill rush though me when I read an absolutely new hardbound book. The delight of turning a new page and the smell of a new book still manages to turn me on but one thing which really turns me off is my “credit card” bill at the end of the day! And after finally fighting and winning the urge to buy more and more books (mainly due to my newest discovery to the joys of book borrowing in library), I discovered that I liked having DVDs on my racks as well.

I bought a DVD for a friend for his Bday 4 months back (a Bday which is in Nov… yeah! I think about the presents and buy them ages before the day actually comes) and there was this great deal on these few movies I liked. So I decided to buy them as well. Unfortunately, once u get a good deal u are always on look out for more and when you really look you can get real great deals online. So before my mind could even assimilate my newest “quirk”… I found myself buying DVD and groaning yet again at my CC bills. Hmmm, but I have to admit that being a movie freak it is a pleasure to have these DVDs on my rack and just watch some of those fabulous movies whenever I feel like. Right from “My fair lady” to “Matrix” to “Jumanji” etc etc … each one a classic in itz own way. …. And each one straining my CC in one way.

To get away from it herez my thanksgiving resolution (I wonder if people make thanksgiving resolutions but well there should always be a first time for everything)….so herez my resolution… “I am going to stay away from online shopping” and “I swear not to buy anything outrageous for atleast 5 months” (GROAN! That’s gonna be hard to keep). Now that I have it in writing and out in open for all to see, I hope to refrain my self from straining my bank balance further and scrimping and saving for future! Wish me all the best amigos… adios!

Personal space in an relationship

I got this from a blog on my friend kanishks blog, http://justkanishk.blogspot.com who actually gave the link for the article in rediff.com, http://specials.rediff.com/getahead/2005/nov/09sld.htm Well, this article speaks about personal space in an relationship which strikes an perfect chord in me. Being in a relationship can indeed be stifling if itz too crowded and hence the need for being your "own person" and have your "own time". I have always believed in this rather strongly and I hope with all my heart that I will give this personal space to “my dearest” always. I want him to have his “Guys Only” time all the time. I would love him to go on a hol with his set of friends and just do what he would like to. Of course once you enter a relationship things do change, you do have some constraints, but these constraints should be such which actually are by choice of the person himself/herself and not 'coz of some obligation. Of course once you enter a relationship things do change, you do have some constraints, but these constraints should be such which actually are by choice of the person himself/herself. As your relationship grows, you come to know about each other and you start reading the other person well. At this point I guess the thing to do is to read the person well enough and let him have his/her personal space when he/she needs it and one way to know if you are doing so is (according to article which i happen to agree with) is to see if any of the signs given below matches up with u. If it does, then you know now that it is the time you gave some space in!!
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Recognise the signs
i. You get irritated with each other over small issues like what you wear, who you meet. You feel you are being constantly nagged, and being called up too many times unnecessarily.
ii. There is discomfort between you and your partner that seems unnatural. For instance, you go out of your way to avoid each other, or there is a persistent undercurrent of hostility.
iii. One of you becomes too possessive of the other.
iv. One of you gets suspicious and tries to invade the other's privacy (by looking through personal messages, mail etc).
v. You don't look forward to and spend less than the usual time with your partner.
vi. One of you remains preoccupied with work and the need for companionship and support steadily decreases.
vii. There is very little real communication -- talking as well as listening, between the two of you.
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Party at Chinese friend's... and consequences

Yesterday we had a dinner party at a Chinese friend of mine. Frankly I was reluctant about eating Chinese food especially since I know that their vegetarian menu is literally non-existent. But whoa! The sight which greeted us at her house was not only scrumptious to look at but smelled good as well. So I decided to lay my prejudice aside and go ahead and eat the whole array of food placed decoratively and rather irresistibly in front of me. And the food tasted as good as it looked and the expectant look on this friend of mine for comments is rather hard to resist. You have to but like her as a person and yesterday I had to admit to myself she was a good cook too. Groan! All my friends are great cooks…. Everyone except me………..my cooking is more temperamental, sometimes great to eat and sometimes just manageable. Well, getting back to the Chinese friend’s party you should have seen the delight on her face when we said her food was good. I wouldn’t mind having Chinese food, alas! if only Chinese restaurants were as considerate of the veggies like me.
Hmm… looking back at the party the amusing thing was perhaps that as soon as we reached, my dear pal came out with all her make up kit. And looking at her I would have frankly never guessed that she actually uses any make up at all. And the whole thing was amusing ‘coz we had 2 guys sitting next to us and the look on their face when our pal came out with her cosmetics was priceless. The guys were looked so stunned and after the surprise wore off there came a resigned look which said “crazy girls”. Anywaz looking at her range of cosmetics and also at the range of ones used by my dear roommates I feel rather like a village belle. I still have no idea how to put a foundation or an eye shadow. When I need to dress up, I faithfully use my sun screen lotion n’ eyeliner, lipstick is almost my skin color (I just feel conscious to put on more fancier shades) and that’s about it. I think now that I am 24 and a grown woman (wow! That sounds quite old) I ought to do something about my ignorant ways. Mabbe spruce up myself more to look groomed, I am seriously thinking of going and getting a makeup kit suggested by one of those ladies at Dillards. But being a lazy bone I am sure even then I would just consider it a too much of an effort and well, just let that costly lil’ make up kit waste away. But since something’s are worth a try anywaz I may just go ahead and indulge myself this once and hopefully the results are worth a watch ;)…..

BTW.... I really find thinking of heading and ending of a written work more tiresome than anything else ....so bear with them :)

Animal quiz

ANIMAL QUIZ

You Are A: Pony!

Who doesn't love a pony? You are one of these miniature horses, renown for your beauty and desired by many. Full of grace, you are a beautiful and very special animal, full of strength and majesty.
You were almost a: Duck or a Lamb
You are least like a: Mouse or a Chipmunk

Link: http://www.cuteducky.com/cute_animal_quiz.html

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I took this test just for the heck of it ... in a moment of idleness.... of course when I saw it in one of the blogs I visited .. just cldn't resist.... Luv animals.... and already dream of having this amazingly cute, dumb looking Lab... who will welcome me back home with a lotta jumping and a whole lotta of licking on the face .... i already have the name ready and he is the biggest of my ambitions in my life .... when I have a pet it will be then that I know I have arrived!!

Anywaz.. wld hav luved to b a puppy ...but a pony doesn't sound bad.... take the quiz c wat u turn out to be and c if u can actually associate with the animal ........Itz fun!!!

ahh.. woes of letting go a person

Well…….meeting and parting they say is a part of life. Then why is meeting someone, being friends with that someone so easy while letting the person go so difficult? Within a span of 5 months I have my 2 gr8 pals leaving and going towards better tidings. The second one is to leave this Saturday and as the day draws nearer I find myself trying to sort my feelings and feel glad that she is moving to a better place with the one she loves. But ahh! My selfish self I find it harder and harder to do so. The fact that I see her everyday and won’t be doing so anymore makes my heart feel heavier. Mabbe itz best if you associate with people but don’t really become so emotionally attached to them. When I was younger my dad always called me “A sentimental fool” n’ I have to admit that things have hardly changed in that aspect. I have alwaz and I think will alwaz be at extremes, I am either too distant or too attached with a person. I am yet to learn how to do things midway.

For me talking has never been a problem. I can speak to a dozen of people at sixes and seven and yet maintain distance well enough. I had even been blamed by one of my ex-room-mates about being “incapable of caring”, well, frankly I didn’t think she was worth it and I give a damn about her opinion about me. But that goes on to show how much at extremes I can be. Also coming here and staying at this place has been a rather revelation about myself to me. At home, I have always been the apple of eye with all my relatives. I sincerely thought I wasn’t so bad at keeping up relationships. But here I realize that I just can’t be good at all at times, I am growly, moody, impatient and whole lotta other things. I wish I could be a better person. I try to be, I try to change but somethings just keep refusing to go…...like a bad coin.

Oops! Looks like I am drifting from the topic again. Well, coming back to the topic I originally meant to write about I am trying to be really happy for my dear friend. I know she has wanted to go from here for a long time and she deserves no less. But I can’t seem to hold back this feeling of selfishness which wishes for her to stay back just a lil’ longer. I am as usual feeling guilty of this terrible selfish attitude of mine but itz just that she seems to have almost become a family. When you are away from home itz friends who become family and all said and done distance does make a difference. I am sure we will be in touch etc etc ………. But things r bound to change …. Afterall isn’t that wat life is all about? As I struggle coming to terms with my selfishness and sadness at her going away .. I try to recognize and reconcile myself to accepting the hard facts of life………..life flies now and will always do so…..

An evening with chopsticks

After romping blissfully near the lake with one of my dearest friends I came back home in the evening claiming utter boredom with life in general. And my darling roommate and I started jabbering on our favorite topic …..”The Hypocrite Indian Guy”. Well, since the jobless Indian dames like us find this topic a good one to shake in enthusiasm into overworked bones it just seemed like the right thing to talk about. But sometimes even with the topic as interesting as this u still need the right environment. So by sheer inspiration on my beloved roomies part we decided to walk our way to a Chinese restaurant. Of course, this restaurant of the least un-American Chinese restaurant I had come across for a long time (I love the “Indian Chinese… American-Chinese cuisine is just way too bland for my spicy Indian tongue) I readily fell in with her plans and walked away merrily talking all “Double-entrée” talk ….. Woah!! Make no mistake the topics between two of us are alwaz HOT!!!! No “me shy Desi” gal business between us lot. Anywaz off we went without any adventure and ordered some scrumptious dishes (for me of course Veg. fried rice and she order more exotic Madrian chicken). Well, we ate like hogs and we spoke a lil’. But the high point of the evening was definitely the “chop-sticks” which we happened to borrow. One set each for both of us. I have alwaz admired the many uses of the chopstick.. eating being just one of them. Today I learned to use these sticks as my hairpins… and of course the credit of this goes to who else but my roomie… who showed me how to pin my hair in with sheer chopsticks and nothing else.

And I am sitting here right now with chopsticks on my hair.. and feeling and looking so gorgeous that I just couldn’t resist writing a piece about this amazing new hairstyle of mine. I had to share this with the rest of the world.. and for all those girls who have never tried chopsticks on ur hair…lemme tell ya “ur definitely missing something”!!!!! Go for it now!!!!

Miserable tale of mine and conclusions!

Yesterday night was one of the most miserable nights I have ever had. This came as a surprise ‘coz the day started well enough and I was all set and delighted to go see the school football match. The gam by itself was fantastic… it was so electrifying that I forgot completely about the cold and fever which had me enslaved to them since last two days. I danced, shouted myself hoarse and surprisingly even followed the match. I had thankfully checked on the rules before setting forth and I think I may just turn into an American football fan!!

Well, you can imagine that after such a great evening I would be all in highest of spirits… but alas that was not to be. As soon as I entered my apartment…. I started feeling hot and cold at the same time and by the time my temperature had also gotten high. My voice was a croak (I think this may be ‘coz of the screaming I did in the football stadium). But anywaz… I tried reading a book but my eyes were filling up, and I had no energy left to make myself a meal. No one was at home and I was shit hungry… All the “order by phone and we deliver” services were not operating ‘coz of game. Gosh! I gave in to tears!! It was ages since I had cried so much. I was feeling so low, I wanted to go home and my cell phone wouldn’t even work. I tried calling one of my close friends. He stays near by … but well the phone just wouldn’t work. I just wanted a familiar face… I was at the moment feeling lonely (my BF is in India right now)… And all that just made me HOWL …… I cried myself to sleep and here I am today feeling much better and all set to face the world tomorrow.

The point of this whole story is how come when we need the most the things don’t actually go our way? Don’t you feel at times that the whole world is against you and god doesn’t love you anymore? Don’t you feel that “I wish I were dead and gone.. atleast then I would know that I was cherished?? I know whenever I feel down or miserable I am all but asking god to take me with her …. I feel I want to die and be in peace.

I have some really good friends here in US and back at home in India as well (Yeah! I am lucky as far as friends are concerned) and I have a gr8 family and a wonderful BF….. I couldn’t ask for more…. But here I was at the first stroke of misery wanting to die, pitying myself and weeping all over. We humans give in so easily to misery don’t we all? I bet we all love pitying about ourselves once in a while!!

Well, now that I am fine and doing good .. I realize how lame I was yesterday!! Gosh!! People are scared of death and yesterday I was thinking that death was perhaps the most beautiful thing of all. I was feeling that death brings with it peace unknown and it is the ultimate release from all this “maya” surrounding us!! I sound like a philosopher but hey I did think about all these things and more. But now I realize though I am not really scared of dying (atleast I think so) I think I would appreciate the true meaning of death and the beauty/ dread of it only after I have experienced my life. I want to experience all the things which I have dreamt of …. Live my life with him… be my own person…. Discover myself….. well,.. I have to indeed live my life ahead a lot ….I believe in life after death (and this has nothing to do with me being a Hindu) I just believe that when we have life here mabbe we can have life in some other plane too (mabbe I can have a different blog about all this sometime) …

Well, so here I am back into action and all set to never be miserable again. I know when I feel miserable I just have to sit back and count my blessings and I will be back on track again!! I also know now that today may be miserable but tomorrow will certainly be better!! Wat say u?

Born into brothels: Children of sex workers

Here I am back again to blogging and this time with vengeance. I have always prided myself for starting things and ending it right too. I have always stuck on to what I have started. And after a long time I realized with a startle that I was slipping. Yeah! Slipping into “I have much better things to do in life than this” mode. So I finally decided to shake this slumber off and get back into sharing about stuff I believe in and things I want to do something about.
Speaking of which I saw this amazing movie “Born in brothels” . This was a movie about the kids born to brothel house and their struggle with normality. While I watched it I sat back and wondered how lucky we all have been. I have never known a struggle to lead a normal life; people have never condemned me for what I was born into. Oh! I love whining about my circumstances once in a while (which human doesn’t?) but well, frankly I have never had a day when I have sat and wondered “Oh! I have no future at all”.
One thing which struck me outright was about the movie was the struggle to find a boarding school which would take these children in. Gosh! Calcutta where so many NGOs find home could not furnish these children with a place to stay and study in then I can just begin to imagine the state of other states in India. I am not condemning the work of these NGOs … rather I say Bravo for various things they have done and I know there must be a huge effort to make world more livable for all the underprivileged. We have so many NGOs working towards various issues. Do we have any at all dedicated to providing better opportunities to the children of sex workers?
Well, I decided to find out. I googled, I send a mail to quite a few NGOs (Sabera (the only foundation that took the children in the documentary) Asha foundation, AID India etc etc) and I am waiting for replies. Meanwhile, I know I want to help and I know I want to be specific in my help. I want to help these children who for no fault of there’s, due to a twist of fate are born into an environment which they want to escape but cannot. Can’t these children also be given a chance at better future? We who call ourselves educated, whom god has been generous enough to give no troubles of that type…can we do something for these souls? I hope I can, right now I may be sounding idealistic to a few and foolish to some others but I really do want to help them.
When I was a small child I was taught “That children are the future of this country”. Then isn’t the plight of these children also something which reflects what the future of India will be? There must be something which we can do sitting here far away from home. It may be monetary but it may be some kinda help anywaz . I am hoping some of you reading this may be able to help me find an NGO or an organization … mabbe a boarding school kind of thing which is dedicated towards the betterment of these children who know not where to turn. Please help me find a way to help them, tell me if any of you are involved with something which can help them.

Blog...is it serious writing?

One of my closest friends chooses to call my blog "A relationship blog" and of course takes a great pleasure in pointing out the "grammatical" mistakes in them. Well, according to him blog is serious piece of writing which needs more thought process and lot more serious churning out of thoughts. And I would hate to say anything against his opinions (well, u see friends argue but in the end don’t disagree in public n’ he is one of my closest buddies) but I just can’t seem reach a common census with him on this. I have to admit I did get started on this “blogging” idea by reading his blogs but seems like I have an entirely different view about writing than him. I would rather write about stuff which I believe in and which I feel like talking about, things close to my heart than write about say “President Bush promising to rebuild New Orleans” or “Federer winning the US opens” etc. I know a lot of you may disagree on this point of mine but hey I think the newspapers are doing a good enough job of conveying the news to us. I think I would rather read a blog which says why he/she thinks (or doesn’t think) that Bush is a racist and why he/she thinks Federer plays like he does. The bottom line is giving your opinion about things that matter to you or that occupies your thoughts at the moment. After all isn’t a blog defined as “AN ONLINE JOURNAL”? I hence protest at labeling any blog space as “current affairs” or “crappy” or “relationship” blog!! (unless of course the person mentions that it is so) I simply hate to think a about what I wanna write in my blog space. I prefer it being a spontaneous outflow of emotions.. I would rather have my blog be called as “personal” than be called “a relationship” blog ‘coz that’s what it is!! I write my blog for myself not for anyone else. Of course I do appreciate others opinions….it helps me analyze things better and look at things from different perspective. I admit having a big fault in me ..I don’t always agree n’ hear with what others say but hey u know what blogging has made me to think about other’s view too!!!

As far as grammatical errors are concerned....well, I am not a great writer.. heck! I don’t even consider myself a good writer. I just write as I think and mabbe I think of sentences which tons of errors but hey who gives a heck. I would rather write the way I speak (in colloquial terms which I use) than write in “Microsoft word”, conduct a spell check and re-read what I have written to check for errors …. when I do that I feel like I am writing a technical write-up or a report, n’ for me that just takes away the pleasure of writing. It steals the soul of an article or a write up and makes it just another piece of work. I write ‘coz I love writing and not ‘coz I have to write. I may never be labeled a good writer or a grammatically precise one but I will at least always have the satisfaction of having written things which come out as an honest reflection of things which I believe in. And I hope a time will come when I do become a person who can write stuff “readable, enjoyable and believable”. I write blog ‘coz I wanna know if there are other people out there who think like I do and also of those who don’t. I want to broaden my horizon and reach out to see how others think, analyze and write. In doing so I hope to become a better …… well everything (who knows in the process I may even improve my grammatical skills).

On contrary to what this article suggests I am open to criticism, I will agree when I am wrong. But in this case I don't think being perfect and precise is important! I think what is more important is ability to put thoughts in a manner which says to the reader what it was actually was meant to!!So herez an open question to all…. Do u think a blog has to be precise and accurate or do u think like I do? ??? I would love to hear your say on this... with or without grammatical errors :).

What does USA make??

A few weeks earlier I ordered an item worth 10 dollars off the net and after I had ordered I would go back home eagerly hoping to find the package snugly waiting for me. But alas! It took itz own sweet time arriving and I assumed (rather logically I think) that this delay was due to the onslaught of our now famous hurricane “Katrina” in and around the area of my residence. Finally yesterday when I had all but assumed the package to be lost somewhere in transition I got it (Hurray!!) but along with the package also came the realization that the reason for this delay of over a month may not lay entirely with madam Katrina. Would u believe it when I say that an item worth just 10 dollars was shipped all the way from Malaysia? My roommate who received the package was all but dying of curiosity to know what I had received from of all the far off places in world “Malaysia.”. Imagine her contrite when she realized it was just a simple “non-exotic” everyday life thing!!

Well, this suddenly inspired me to look at everything I had bought ever since I came to US of A (of course in this 20% was due to pure inspiration and the rest was due to sheer joblessness on my part) And this put forth a surprising discovery. Amongst the things which I had amassed here in past 2 years not a single …lemme reemphasize not a single tinne-winne thing was “MADE IN USA”. Most of the stuff was invariably made in China (no surprises there), and almost of my dresses were either made in Mexico or hold your breath ......“Vietnam”. My favorite skirt (one of my first Gap purchases) sported the proud label of “made in India” (my sweet country) and all my shoes have the label “Made in Taiwan”

But hey I am not here to give you an list of all things I owe rather I just wanted to share something which I have been thinking ever since “is anything made in US of A at all??” and also “why does US find it cheaper to export these things rather than make it here?” . To satisfy this curiosity I dug deeper and found to my surprise that most of these countries which exported to US had one thing common amongst them. All of them have developing private or non-state sector, there is marked price liberalization in their domestic market, and there is relaxation of government control and central planning, privatization of state-owned enterprises, and development of the legal framework for private business. Plus the biggest advantage of all “low price labor”. Indeed I had finally understood the meaning of the word “Globalization” and understood how these countries could make a profit by shipping even things worth just 10 bucks all the way to US. But, I am still trying to get a grip on understanding how the US economy and its people benefit from this “globalization” ‘coz as I see it from a layman’s perspective it seems like a lot of industry right here in US of A may have its sales effected and a lot of jobs lost if this trend of “market liberalization” continues to paw more and more fields. I am sure as I read more I may feel like a fool for not understanding the long term “benefits” of importing….well almost everything from another country meanwhile all help on this topic will be appreciated and hey I really would love to know “What does US make?”

Dear Anonymous,

Your comment yesterday about my post and in particular the line in it “"But the biggest fear which eats me daily is the fear of falling short of the expectations of one person I really love” set me thinking. Frankly I have never ever analyzed it from “phobophilia” or “the love of fear” perspective and I should say it had me foxed for a moment as the term by itself was really new. And to answer your question – I am not obsessed with this fear and nor do I think about it much. Yeah! Sometimes when in a weak moment (who doesn’t have one) it does crop up and I feel a little apprehensive about the future in general. I won’t say that I manage to shove all the fears off, but I do try to look at it from a “letz see what happens and hey! Itz gonna be good for sure” angle. Oh! I do worry, I won’t deny that but my worries are not the center of my universe. Thankfully I usually have a lotz of things which make worrying all the time a rather difficult thing to do!!


And about the fear of failing HIM, well u bet I have discussed this with him and I also know deep down that it has no foundation and I know that I will be eventually look back and laugh at my well….for the lack of a better word -paranoia. I guess the reason why I think so much is just ‘coz it is all so new to me and I am just trying to find my feet here. Of course, I know we (he & I) will have our downs but more than those I know we will have “ups” and what I feel for him, I see in him is worth …well everything. This fear has just made me look at what I am more closely and thank god for all that she (yeah! I think of god in feminine terms) has given me. I have to admit that these last few months have been one of the best in my life so far which by itself says a lot as I have had the most cherished childhood and amazing friends. This has made me only appreciate better what I have always had and count my blessings even more. I have my share of pondering about stuff but hey! I am like any other person who thinks about things at times and then learns to deal with it.

As far as “phobophilia” I think you would be the best judge for that.

Adios -
Aparna
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Plz: For those curious about the comment herez how it went:

"But the biggest fear which eats me daily is the fear of falling short of the expectations of one person I really love." -- This fear is something that you would love - is it? can someone love their fear? i guess in this case it could be true (phobophilia as it is called is not anything that i came up with right now). Or is it this fear that makes you better and better of a person day by day - let me know on this aspect. This leaves the question on how better are you getting - just to HIM or to all around you?Also, what changes - natural and unnatural (by that it means anything that you consciously put effort for and anything that is spontaneous) - have got rooted up in you due to this fear?Have you expressed this fear of yours to him at any point of time? Well, the blog is public...yeah and that's the reason why i'm bloggggging!!!There is a lot more to blog on this, but the questionnaire has grown too big.

A few fears and dilemmas from my closet

“FUTURE”… this one word holds so much power over all of us. Who hasn’t at some point in their lives wondered about what future holds for them? Being humans we spend most of our present worrying and thinking about our future. We always have and will nurture a fear for unknown, and what is a bigger unknown than one’s own future? I remember once having read a talk by C.F. Kettering and thinking how true he was about man’s fascination by future when he said "My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there”. This of courses strikes a chord within me more now as I often catch myself thinking and pondering about how my future is going be. I have tried to stop this of course with rather unsuccessful attempts. I suppose all these thinking wheels are turning in this direction ‘coz the next few coming months are gonna bring with it a whole lot of changes!! I will not only be graduating from school (forever leaving the happy abode of student-hood) but also be making a transition from being a girl to a woman.

I worry about me getting a job which I like (I have alwaz been passionate about doing only things which I like to do)… of liking and enjoying my work. I would hate to make a compromise where my work is concerned (alwaz wanted to be good at what I do but I do loose track as everyone else...only more often), I have prided myself (mabbe falsely so at times) at doing what I have wanted to do, so when I think of the future I am frankly petrified.. I have never worked… and ‘coz of this fear I keep thinking –“Maybe I should go ahead and apply for PhD”. But I also know I will never do that ‘coz I can’t imagine doing something so huge without a real passion for it. Of course, I know I will eventually get a good job (I am sure I am smart enough to land up with one) but I just hope I get one which I enjoy as well. I know I worry about this un-necessarily but well who can have a hold on “Mr.Worry” who goes and comes as and when he wants!!!!

But the biggest fear which eats me daily is the fear of falling short of the expectations of one person I really love. We will be getting married sometime next year and it just scares me shitless. Having never been in a real relationship before this I have no idea how to deal with this constant fluttering in my heart and these constant highs and lows I experience. I feel like I am in an emotional roller coaster. In addition to this, every time I call up home I am asked about how I want my wedding to be, what I would want to buy, would I like to wear a saree or a lehenga (Indian dresses)…hope u get the flow. It is just driving me nuts. The Indian marriages are expensive and mine I guess will be no exception. You have a whole lot of rituals and truck load of dresses and jewelry involved. The marriage by itself is a costly affair with people whom you have never seen attending it (‘coz of course they are related to you in some far off manner). The guilt of making my parents spend so much is tearing me apart. I keep wishing I was working and that way I could share the burden. I know how much cash-crunch my parents will have to go through. I also know that every Indian parent goes through the same but I really don’t like the whole idea. Somewhere down the lane I have started to feel sad about the whole marriage thing. Make no mistake here… I love him too much and I know he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. When I imagine myself 50 years from now I see a old lady with wrinkles running hither-thither but I also see by my side him, looking at me in the same way he looks at me now. I know marrying him is the right thing to do… ‘coz I feel it in my heart. But at the same time I wish I could just have a simple small wedding with a few people whom we care for... where I won’t have to wear gold jewelry (which I don’t even like) and smile my way through when my heart is heavy with the knowledge that my parents had to struggle to make it happen. I may be over-reacting perhaps (all Indian gals go through this kind of marriage) but in my heart it just aches more daily. Why??? I wish I was smart enough to sort these feelings by myself but I find myself unable to do so and I wish I could be brave enough to tell my parents that this is not what I would like. But I know in doing so I would hurt them deeply (‘coz parents being parents want to give me the best in everything and would just shrug off the costs) and hurting my parents has never been an option, I love them too deeply and too much to do anything which would make them feel sad. So all I can do now is to sit back and let the things go the way they are right now. I am ashamed that I am not brave enough to voice my feelings to the people I love the most in this world, but I just can’t bring myself to hurt them, itz better that I hurt myself than hurt anyone who matters to me !!!!

Love bites but indiscretion does more........

Yesterday being Thursday - not much awaited Friday (Yippee finally it is Friday today) and thankfully not dreary Monday.... my roomies and I settled on seeing an age old Indian Hindi movie "Utsav". Directed by one of my favorite theatre personalities Girish Karnad (Oh! Most of his plays are amazing) I was all set to be entertained by this “very famous” movie. There is no doubt that the both actresses in this movie Rekha and Anuradha Patel looked absolutely “delicious”, stunningly so at times but what actually caught my attention towards the end was something entirely different. In the movie Rekha has a torrid affair with Anuradha’s husband and when Anuradha comes to know of this she not only accepts it (like a good ol’ Indian wife) but also welcomes Rekha with open hands. Of course she claimed to have many reasons for it, the most important one being that their (Anuradha’s n’ her hubby’s) sex life improved dramatically ever since that indiscretion.

Now this set me thinking…Could it be possible for a woman to accept the presence of another woman in her man’s life irrespective of the benefits it may hold? Of course I have heard of the argument that love and sex are two different things and I agree with it too. I do believe that you can have sex without love and I also know that physical attraction is an amazing force sometimes too strong and too easy to give in to. But I also believe that when you love a person you cannot bring yourself to betray him and from my “very-Indian” view point sleeping with someone else when you are in a relationship is equivalent to doing so. Yeah may be my outlook towards this topic may be a little clouded n’ outdated ‘coz I have been brought up in a society which looks at anything sexual before marriage as a “sin” and “taboo”. But irrespective of this having intimacy with any one else other than “him” just doesn’t feel right in my heart and soul and I suppose that when anyone betrays their soul all they are left after the excitement dies down is a gnawing feeling of guilt. I know I couldn’t n wouldn’t do it…..not only ‘coz of the guilt factor but also ‘coz I simply cannot think of anyone else in those terms (yeah! I am lovesick puppy).

Now coming back to the topic of accepting the other women…. I know loving “him” as I do…. I cannot tolerate the thought of him with anyone else. Gosh! I can’t believe I sound so possessive but what the heck when I am true he better be that too. And if in case he slips I know then he never loved me enough. I have no hang ups about him flirting with girls, appreciating the looks of any woman or going out with another woman once in while but I draw a line for anything beyond it. I know he loves me too much and I am secure in this love of his but even just supposing a hypothetical situation makes my blood boil!! And I really can’t see how any women would be able to forgive her man’s indiscretion and accept him back into her fold. I know it is often said that “To forgive is to truly love” but pardon me if I ask- “would a man do the same? Would he turn a blind eye to his woman’s slip? Would he??” and of course isn’t it true that trust once betrayed is almost impossible to build again? I know for me it is a scenario with only one end – “Heartbreak and an utter sense of betrayal and loss”… I cannot and will not ever tolerate anything like this however much I love the person, however much I hurt myself in the process. After a lotta thinking I think I can at least lay out a few main ingredients for a successful relationship and they are: love, trust, respect and integrity. And to say anything more would be sheer redundancy, hence for now at this point I rest my case and my thoughts.

Freud Theory

Today long after that little cajoling from my dearest I decided the time had finally come for me to look up on the “Freudian” theory. Frankly I expected it to be one of those really YAWN theories floating around. But to my surprise once I started reading about it I haven’t been able to stop. What really fascinates me is Freud’s argument that there is a large part of the mind that can’t be consciously known; and it is this unconscious part of the mind has an impact on human behavior. Wow.. doesn’t that sound cool? Well, if u do think about it a lil’ more u would realize that it is in more ways than one true. I am sure that all of us have at some point taken unconscious decisions which directly reflect on us. What about our “Mr. Conscious” who decides to kick in at the oddest time possible? Wouldn’t all that signify a presence of the unconsciousness portion of our mind which plays a major role in defining what we are and how we act? Well, there have been arguments supporting and criticizing the theory but no one can deny that it was Freud’s theory at the turn of century which set basis for psychoanalysis. Of course I wouldn’t wanna comment anymore about it simply ‘coz I don’t really know enough (Though I intend to)!!. And before I continue in my quest to know more about it lemme give u some fodder for thought in Freud’s own words :
“"Look into the depths of your own soul and learn first to know yourself, then you will understand why this illness was bound to come upon you and perhaps you will thenceforth avoid falling ill."

lil' rambling about being a Veggie !!

As soon as I decided to set sail for US of A I had people telling me how tough it would be for me culturally, how I may experience a culture shock (Blah! I had my first culture shock when I went back to bangalore for a hol this time) and how I was supposed to speak slowly 'coz "those Americans" can't catch on with our usual speed (am yet to find an evidence of that). But not one of those people ever warned me how it would be a big struggle to remain a "Veggie" here. In the land which is rumored to have everything one thing which is rather rare to come by is a good veggie meal. My first experience with the uniqueness of "Vegetarianism" was when I went to Mc Donald's on my first day and naively ordered a cheese burger not realizing that here any "burger" is usually a "Ham burger". Alas! That particular burger (worth 2 $ i.e. 2*43 rupees to a fresh desi ) went down into the bin and trust me I was ready to cry for wasting so much cash on something I never got to eat. Hmmm.... as time went by ... I started having a intense love affair with the potato wedges and ketchup. I would go to a pizza place and eat cheese or veggie sub and of course those fries. All the restaurants I went to I had my fav. food ('coz I could eat nothing else). But turning to a non-veg was never an option and before you draw conclusions it isn't 'coz my religion forbids it (which it doesn't) itz just 'coz I am against killing animals to eat. I just happen to choose the way of vegetarian living out of choice and it has never been possible for me to go against what I feel very strongly about!
And after a lotta fumbling and grumbling about "how hard it is to be a Veggie here" I finally learned to ask for substituting those chicken with onions and bell peppers. And that my dear friends has opened a whole new world of eat-outs for me.... I now can go any place and know that I can have something other than those (now dreaded) potato wedges and eat those exotic sounding dishes (with subtlle changes in recipe's of course). Yum...... I am now ready and armed with a full stomach to face the world.
Thats all i have to say ...but as an ending line ..lemme add a note to all those people out there who smirk at Veggies ....Think of how much will power and perseverance it requires to remain one... and then u will know why "vegetarian life" is claimed to be the best kinda life by a rare few!

Being dark skinned Indian

A few weeks back while doing random "google-ing" I came across this website of Dove (yeah the soap makers) called the campaign for real beauty. Curious to know how they defined "real beauty" I ventured into the site half expecting it be yet another promotion of the "Dove" product . But, I was in for a surprise! Though the campaign is infact an Ad... It does explore and try to redefine the word "real beauty". The campaign talks about how any women is beautiful and how beauty comes with acceptance. They deviate from the standard definition of a prefect figure 36-26-36 and talk about how the being normal is beautiful. How there is beauty in everyone, itz just that we have to look more closely to discover it.
Reading about the standards set by the society abt beauty lead me to think a couple of things which I hadn't thought for a long time now.... Going down the memory lane..I still remember the time when I was younger and mocked for being darker than most of the Indian gals. I remember coming back home and crying ( I would never cry in school ..u c I had too much pride to let them know they got me) wanting never to go back to school. I hated school and I couldn't understand why those people could never c that I was smarter than most, that I had a height which some would die for and my features if not pretty were not repelling to the eye. I would stand in front of the mirror and wonder why I couldn't have looked better, why I couldn't have been fair. But, as I grew up thanks to my mom I learned to accept myself as I am and know that I am good looking by my own rights! But, well some invisible scars still remain. I still have a problem accepting compliments about my looks and I still manage to find a million flaws in me physically (driving my BF crazy with a discussion abt the same). And whenever I go back home to India the feelings seem to seep right back in. The last time I went I was asked by a few people to get married fast 'coz being dark would probably pose a big problem. Infact my own uncle told me -"Good ur smart and educated so even with your complexion u will have a good chance". Blah! Who wants to get married to a person who is so hell bent on the outer looks? Also, I know of a few gals who are darker than me, but ...Wow...They are amazingly hot.
Why is that most of the Indian guys alwaz want a great looking gal with an amazing figure when they themselves have nothing to write home about? Why is the society so hell bent on defining the looks as good or bad? When will we realize that every person is beautiful and all you need to do is to know the person for the person? When will the women really be liberated from the limiting standards of beauty and sexiness?? Hopefully there will come some day when the man will be truly liberated from the confines of the closed mind and recognize the beauty in true sense.

Hmm... A lil' about "Potter"

I know this may not be in the current affairs.. But I just spent a few hours in my long weekend watching all 3 "Harry Potter" movies.. infact just got off seeing the last one. Now that I have read all the "Potter" books and seen all the movies I couldn't help but draw some parallels between them and now the very famous Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings". Would it be wrong to say that there is a great bit of similarity between the "dead eaters, nazuoll " n' "dementors"? And what about "house elves" n' "gollum" both potrayed as small pitiable things speaking in third person. Infact when you think of it even "Sauron" and "Voldermont" seem to have undeniable similarity of being the "dark lord" who want their shape back. I am sure there are many more such ones but it is not my intention to degrade Ms.Rowling's writing.
On contrary I think she is absolutely brilliant in her writing and creativity making of us "muggles" (including me) await the seventh book. Nevertheless I refuse to give her full points for originality and I would say some of it is inspired. Of course, I do know there is constant debate about who is better Rowling or Tolkein? Well, personally I think both are a class by themselves. But given a choice I would anyday be partial to Tolkein not only 'coz he was the first with such a fascinating idea of "other world" but also, 'coz his imagination and skills are so phenomenal that it could inspire anyone ..Including (perhaps unintentionally so) "Rowling". Well, the we can debate about it and everyone is entitled to have an opinion, but, I truly think that to a person who has read both the works it would be very evident who is the master and who the student.
Meanwhile as the world debates abt it ..... I would just like to be "Hermonie" the gustiest witch with a whole lotta attitude and looks..... :)

Ahem! Ahem! My first attempt at a Blog

Surprisingly it was only very recently that I read my first Blog and the idea immediately appealed to me. Ever since I remember I have had an incredible urge to analyze stuff more deeply than usual..But hey before u start drawing conclusions I plead sanity...Anyways blogging just held the right kind of appeal to me and here I am typing in my first blog.
Now making a blog seems easy, but it took me whole 10 mins to actually think of a name for my blog spot and u have to admit that's a long time.. Yeah "kabhi here kabhi there" seems so apt to define a place where I would write my thoughts and opinions 'coz life as someone dear tol' me yesterday "is not alwaz black or white..." And that's what this blog is all about..itz neither here nor there... itz just somewhere ard trying to formulate into something more meaningful, more concrete.. Something which allows me to reach out to other similar minds.. And expand my horizons...An attempt to knowing myself and others..
And that my frnds is enough food for thought and lemme rest this at this note..adios amingos.....

Plz.... as a ending note I acknowledge 2 people who originally inspried me to start writing the blog.... my close frnd.. Kanishk n' my roomie... Sirisha....:)